noun. The state of having an ache.

O, the Pope could dispense with his Cardinalate, and his achage, and his breakage.
Queen Mary, Lord Alfred Tennyson (1878)

My stomache, dude, major achage. I did a little Googling to see if this word is actually in usage… not really. Sure it’s a nonce-word according to the OED, but some of these words sound like slang that the young folks are using. I saw a couple uses spelled “acheage” but not a whole lot as it is listed in the dictionary.

I thought it would be more common. The “-age” (as in blockage, baggage, plumage) ending isn’t all that rare. I was wrong. I admit it. I had a thought and it was incorrect. I apologize. I’ll try to never be wrong ever again.

Consider using this word the next time you need to call in sick. “Sorry, can’t come to work today. I have some achage in or around my epididymis.”

noun. One who has scientific knowledge of lice.

Mineralogists, astronomers, ornithologists, and lousologists.
A memoir by Lady Holland, Sydney Smith (1835)

Of all the disrespected professions, lousologists are at the top of the list. Or perhaps the bottom. No one else devotes themselves so selflessly to the study of a creature that the rest of the world is trying to kill.

But seriously folks, it’s a seriously serious problem. Make sure to check yourself and your children for lice as often as humanly possible.

I think you know how much I love name-calling… this is a great word to use for that noble purpose. Call someone a lousologist, not because they study lice (who the heck does that anyway?), but because you don’t care what they do!

It might also be a good one to use when you meet people at a bar and need something silly to talk about. “What do I do? Oh, I’m a lousologist.”

verb. To hit or smash with a fist.

For though your beard do stand so fine mustated, Perhaps your nose may be transfisticated.
The letting of humours blood in the head-vaine, Samuel Rowlands (1600)

Talk about a bad-ass word. I have a sudden urge to make a western-style movie solely for the purpose that the hero can say “You best be leavin’ now, or I might hafta transfisticate yer face in.”

If ever you threaten someone, always aim for the bigger word. That’s like slapping someone in the face with a dictionary. Figuratively.

If you literally slapped someone in the face with a dictionary you’d have no need to actually speak any words after. Unless you used a pocket dictionary… that wouldn’t do much damage. Be sure to use at  least a collegiate, unabridged is preferred.

Sometimes using your language can be a better solution than your fists.

adj. Onion-eater.

The ogre was cepivorous.
McNunter the Ogre Hunter, Nom D. Plume (2009)

I couldn’t find a real citation. I didn’t look to hard either. If you use this word in an article or blog post after reading this, I’d be glad to feature it here in exchange for a Pop-Tart.

This word can also be spelled cepevorous. The Oxford English Dictionary spells it as it is in the title, and most other dictionaries use the other spelling. The OED spelling is appealing-er to my eye, so I’ll continue to use it.

Whether it’s spelled with an I or and E, don’t let that stinky cepivore near me.  This cepivorous fellow should have curiously strong mint to help with hiser halitosis.

To such a one — if such there be — do you bathe regularly? Are you out in public much? Have you tried Pop-Tarts? If you answered no any of those questions, please reconsider your lifestyle. As tasty as onion are in certain dishes, they cannot provide you with the nutrition your body requires. They also make you stink. So please, on behalf of everyone, take a bath and change your diet. I highly recommend Pop-Tarts.

adj. Fatty; causing fatness.

The pinguiferous slice from the salted swine.
Tait’s Magazine (1855)

If you had told me before that McDonald’s food was pinguiferous, I totally would’ve avoided it. I’m trying to keep my slim figure. I’m holding up a picture of my slim figure to the keyboard right now so you can see it.

As you know from your classical language studies, pinguis is Latin for fat. From that we get this splendid word and a few less nonce-y (but equally rare) words you will read shortly hereafter.

After glancing over McD’s malnutrition information, I find that their food is also pinguid, pinguedinous, and pinguefying. I had no idea that the company had such a super-sized McVocab.

noun. One who loves law.

His Bishop [Bp. Wren], that great Thesmophilist.
A discourse of proper sacrifice, Sir Edward Dering (1644)

Who among you loves law? Or any laws in particular?  … No one? How unexpected. I don’t even think most lawyers are thesmophilists. They know law because it’s their job, but love it? Nah.

Feel free to prove me wrong, I’m basing my comments on guesses and nothing else.

Thesmophilist could be easily used as a pejorative term. You know how much I love name-calling. Teach this one to your kids. “Okay honey, when the hall monitor threatens to tell on you, you just call him a dirty poo-poo thesmophilist and run away.”

adj. Flowery and long-winded.

Much circumfloribus stuff was talked of on the Court side.
Autobiography, Mary Granville (1739)

The OED lists this word in particular as a “humorous nonce-word.” The others I’ve written about aren’t? A search reveals that according to the editors there are 55 humorous nonce words listed. The rest were decidedly unfunny. I happen to disagree with these editors, as many of the previous words I’ve listed are quite silly… but they make the big bucks working on the OED and I have this blog.

Perhaps I’m being a little long winded on this subject. Am I circumfloribus? No. I need to be flowery too.

A dozen roses! There.

I can think of a few fustian circumlocutary windbags whose conversation I might describe as circumfloribus. The majority of the thought-of circumfloribusters are in the world of politics. Coincidence? You decide.

noun. A form of government in which the power is vested in the simply numerical majority.

A ‘democracy’ of mere numbers is no democracy, but a mere brute ‘arithmocracy.’
Alton Locke, Charles Kingsley (1850)

I was worried this would mean a government run by math teachers. If I were in such a country I would leave as soon as possible, but not before I was forced at gunpoint to demonstrate my knowledge of the Pythagorean theorum.

If the country was ruled by the math teachers I had in high school, I’d probably be an enemy of the state.

It in fact is a government ruled by the simple majority (over 50 percent). The phrase “majority rules” would surely come into play more often. Though if the country is near evenly-split in ideals, the course of action would change every day based on who showed up each day.

Thank goodness for our checks and balances. And now I’m off to balance my checks…