By Cold, and by a kinde of Frescour (as we now-a-days speak).
Bacon’s Life & D. (1627)

OED says noun, but there are some wonderful ways to use it as an adjective as well.

The first four letters of frescour are the same as those in fresh for a reason. Frescura is Italian for “having the quality of freshness.” Frescour is something so fresh that it’s cool. It’s like biting into a fresh cold cucumber. Frescour seems to carry with it the meaning of “crisp” as in a crisp cucumber, but frescour has the lovely coupling of texture and temperature.

Now say “frescour cucumber” ten times fast.

This morning was a rather frescour morning. Fall has finally started; the days are getting colder, the clouds stay in the sky longer, the ugly-sweater-gift-from-last-Christmas is making appearances. The weather channel says it’ll be a frigorific 57°F tonight (very cold for those who have only ever lived in Southern California). Brrrr!

So that to a man that is meatefyed in flesh, and whose state (in this world) is desperate, a Sergiant may serue instead of a Deaths head, to put him in minde of his last day.
Jests to Make You Merry, Thomas Dekker & George Wilkins (1607)

It sounds like something you’d say about something you plan on eating, don’t it? “The cows are looking very meatified already. Looks like we’ll be havin’ hamburgers a little earlier this year!”

Or perhaps it refers to someone who eats way too many hamburgers. Or other meat. The steak and bacon diet… not recommended. I do, however, recommend this word as an insult. Use it wisely.

Are you mortified of becoming meatified? No worries. Just send me all your money and you will become thinner in no time!

In a Dog, and other offivorous Quadrupeds, ’tis very large.
Physico-theology, William Derham (1713)

Someone who only gets the scraps that no one else wants is offivorous. It’s not great to only get scraps. I don’t want the shavings, I want the meat! Not some awful falafel offal … give me a hamburger! NOW!

Sorry, I haven’t been eating a great variety lately. It’s been a while since my last hamburger. My local Subway doesn’t — thankfully — give me scraps of meat, so I’m not offivorous.

Not everyone  is offivorous by choice, of course. Some dogs are offivorous. The ugly twin that lives in the attic and eats mostly fish heads is offivorous. The passengers sitting at the back of an airplane after all the good meals have been taken are offivorous.

Who else might be an offivore?

The ogre was cepivorous.
McNunter the Ogre Hunter, Nom D. Plume (2009)

I couldn’t find a real citation. I didn’t look to hard either. If you use this word in an article or blog post after reading this, I’d be glad to feature it here in exchange for a Pop-Tart.

This word can also be spelled cepevorous. The Oxford English Dictionary spells it as it is in the title, and most other dictionaries use the other spelling. The OED spelling is appealing-er to my eye, so I’ll continue to use it.

Whether it’s spelled with an I or and E, don’t let that stinky cepivore near me.  This cepivorous fellow should have curiously strong mint to help with hiser halitosis.

To such a one — if such there be — do you bathe regularly? Are you out in public much? Have you tried Pop-Tarts? If you answered no any of those questions, please reconsider your lifestyle. As tasty as onion are in certain dishes, they cannot provide you with the nutrition your body requires. They also make you stink. So please, on behalf of everyone, take a bath and change your diet. I highly recommend Pop-Tarts.

The pinguiferous slice from the salted swine.
Tait’s Magazine (1855)

If you had told me before that McDonald’s food was pinguiferous, I totally would’ve avoided it. I’m trying to keep my slim figure. I’m holding up a picture of my slim figure to the keyboard right now so you can see it.

As you know from your classical language studies, pinguis is Latin for fat. From that we get this splendid word and a few less nonce-y (but equally rare) words you will read shortly hereafter.

After glancing over McD’s malnutrition information, I find that their food is also pinguid, pinguedinous, and pinguefying. I had no idea that the company had such a super-sized McVocab.

Crisp home-made loaflets.
Beauchamp’s career, George Meredith (1876)

The best thing since sliced bread: smaller sliced bread!

It’s like regular bread, but cuter. Just saying a “loaf” is very unspecific. If there’s a standard loaf size, I’m not aware of it. Sure, there are averages for your everyday kinds of sliced wheat and white, but what about other kinds of bread?

There’s a loaf for every occasion and just as many sizes. Don’t look for a loaf for all seasons, throw some new ideas in the oven. Shop around. Broaden your hoRYEzons.

If your local grocery store is advertising a sale on small loaves of bread, you might get a loaflet leaflet.

I am not responsible for any pain or discomfort from overly punny posts.