adj. Blameless

[the Church] shold be holi and without blemish, or rather Amomous..that is irreprehensible, safeguarded from the bitings of Momus, one of the feined Gods among the Gentils.
Theologica Mystica, John Pordage (1683)

What do you mean, Mr. Pordage, when you say the church should be amomous? Are you saying it isnt!?

Apparently this word is borrowed from Greek word for blameless, amomos; how convenient! It’s a shame it hasn’t been used in so long. So many unamomous people claim to be amomous, you’d expect someone to say amomous. And why not? It’s fun to say!

My parents always thought I stole the cookies from the cookie jar, but I was entirely amomous. It was my imaginary enemy. Damn you, Roderick.

noun. ‘Light-heeled’ pranks.

If your wiues play legerdeheele, though you bee a hundred miles off, yet you shall be sure instantly to find it in your forheads.
All Fools, George Chapman (1605)

A play on the word legerdemain, which literally means “light of hand,” used to refer to sleight of hand or trickery and deception. In the citation above, legerdeheel refers specifically to infidelity, not a laughing matter. Except for the times that it is.

If being light of hands is prestidigitation, then being light of heel must be prestipeditation. Perhaps meaning that you can sneak off somewhere else without being noticed, as if by magic. Or maybe it means you can do card tricks with your feet.

noun. An adherent of the ‘kirk’ or Scottish church.

What hath been done by kirkists these last dozen of yeers.
The discovery of a most exquisite jewel, Thomas Urquhart (1652)

Scottish church? BORING! Here at On Words and Upwards! I strive to boldy go where no nonce-word has gone before… but not to Scotland. I chose this word for how it looked, not the definition. Nothing wrong with the Scottish Church, of course. But it just doesn’t seem entertaining. Someone please feel free to enlighten me — I’ve never been to church in Scotland.

I propose that the name Kirkists be applied to all those who feel that Captain Kirk is superior to Picard. That’s right Trekkies, Trekkers and Trekkists, it’s an epic battle for votes and only one Star Trek captain can be the victor. Are you a Kirkist or a Picardist?

Cast your votes in the comments!

adj. Really really fat.

So that to a man that is meatefyed in flesh, and whose state (in this world) is desperate, a Sergiant may serue instead of a Deaths head, to put him in minde of his last day.
Jests to Make You Merry, Thomas Dekker & George Wilkins (1607)

It sounds like something you’d say about something you plan on eating, don’t it? “The cows are looking very meatified already. Looks like we’ll be havin’ hamburgers a little earlier this year!”

Or perhaps it refers to someone who eats way too many hamburgers. Or other meat. The steak and bacon diet… not recommended. I do, however, recommend this word as an insult. Use it wisely.

Are you mortified of becoming meatified? No worries. Just send me all your money and you will become thinner in no time!

adj. That makes money in any possible way.

Those quomodocunquizing clusterfists and rapacious varlets.
The discovery of a most exquisite jewel, Sir Thomas Urquhart (1652)

There’s a ten dollar word, if ever I heard one. Take the next minute or two to practice pronouncing quomodocunquizing.

Good. Now that you’ve mastered that you’ve taken the next step necessary to become a smart-soundy-talker.

If this word were shorter (damn you modern people and your desire for short words) it might be all over the place in today’s news. There are plenty of people out there working odd jobs and even jobs to make some extra cash in this economy. If I were to shorten it for you hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobians it would probably be, um, cash-whore.

Are you and quomodocunquizer? How’s that working out for you?

verb. To hit or smash with a fist.

For though your beard do stand so fine mustated, Perhaps your nose may be transfisticated.
The letting of humours blood in the head-vaine, Samuel Rowlands (1600)

Talk about a bad-ass word. I have a sudden urge to make a western-style movie solely for the purpose that the hero can say “You best be leavin’ now, or I might hafta transfisticate yer face in.”

If ever you threaten someone, always aim for the bigger word. That’s like slapping someone in the face with a dictionary. Figuratively.

If you literally slapped someone in the face with a dictionary you’d have no need to actually speak any words after. Unless you used a pocket dictionary… that wouldn’t do much damage. Be sure to use at  least a collegiate, unabridged is preferred.

Sometimes using your language can be a better solution than your fists.

noun. One who loves law.

His Bishop [Bp. Wren], that great Thesmophilist.
A discourse of proper sacrifice, Sir Edward Dering (1644)

Who among you loves law? Or any laws in particular?  … No one? How unexpected. I don’t even think most lawyers are thesmophilists. They know law because it’s their job, but love it? Nah.

Feel free to prove me wrong, I’m basing my comments on guesses and nothing else.

Thesmophilist could be easily used as a pejorative term. You know how much I love name-calling. Teach this one to your kids. “Okay honey, when the hall monitor threatens to tell on you, you just call him a dirty poo-poo thesmophilist and run away.”

noun. A Female tutor.

A pratling Nurse is a better Tutrix to her foster-child.
Didascalocophus, George Dalgarno (1680)

I speculate that after the word dominatrix became popular in people’s vocabulary, the “-trix” suffix became less popular. “-tress” and “-trice” have taken its place. It’s a shame really, now we don’t know many words to use that X with while playing Scrabble.

Maybe someone can pick this word up to describe their dominatrix-style tutoring program. College boys would surely study for all their tests.

Alternatively, if you are slightly better than a one-trick-pony, you’re a tutrix.

Now for a game of Scrabble. Oh please, oh please Scrabble Gods, let me get an X!